Getting Out More

Yes, it's true. I'm getting out more. Okay, okay, I get out plenty,...but not in the way I should. I've always been very driven, a very hard worker. It is my primary focus most of the time. Even my husband will tell you, when I was a stay-at-home mom (many years ago), I was very driven at trying to be a good mom, wanting to keep a clean house, and be a good wife. It's when I work outside our home that the driven part of me...has a hard time dividing properly.

Since I became a teacher, thirteen years ago, it has been my primary focus other than my family. Now, my family is all grown and gone. So, I focus more on my job. But...life isn't a job. And though my work is much more than "a job" - it's a calling - I still needed to look at my overall priorities. I am very passion about what I do. However, we all need to pull back, sometimes, and re-evaluate how we spend our time.

I've now taken up a new goal from a good friend: get out more and live a life you enjoy. Yes, I can still be driven and passionate about teaching reading. Absolutely. But I need to practice more genuine 'down time' to fill myself back up with good things I enjoy. 

And you know what made me question whether I really do this enough or not? A coach. No, not a life coach - just a regular, middle school, athletic coach. That's right, a coach at my school. 

Here's the story of it:

I was making copies in the teacher workroom, not too long ago, when one of our coaches came in and saw his pile of work was in my work area. He was concerned his stuff was messing up my workflow, so he apologized and moved his stuff out of my way. I said, "No worries, Coach, I'm easy-going." And he laughed. Laughed?

Not only did this give me pause, I gave him crap about it. Teasing, actually. He's an older man, and I adore him. And he knows it. So, it's okay if we pick on each other from time to time. Our classrooms were side-by-side last year, so we know each other well. We know each other's stories and our teaching styles. 

But, still, I gave it some thought. And, later, when I brought it up to him again, I said, "Hey, Coach, isn't it possible to be focused and passionate AND easy-going?" And the old sweetheart chuckled again at my silliness. 

"Do I get to plead the 5th here?" he asked with a wink. 

And while that old softy has no idea how much he made me re-evaluate how I live my life, he most certainly did. He's been through a lot in his personal life. He lost a wife, at a fairly young age, to a heart disorder that, eventually, also took the life of one of his sons. I can't imagine. I truly...can't imagine.

I began to think about how I spend my 'down time" and how I need to do more with it. Enjoy life more. Get out more. Let people I love know how much I love them...more. I do those things, of course, but not nearly as much as I should. I needed to add an easy-going stride in my life...somewhere. 

So, yesterday, I met friends for tea and an impromptu trip to a bakery. I also spent some time with my beautiful grandchildren. Today, I went with my oldest daughter to brunch at a place she's wanted to visit. Later, we're going to a museum to enjoy some art together. 

And while my work is very important, and I love the children I teach,...it's time to make time on my weekends for the most important part of my life: my actual life. We only get one, you know.

I hope, reader, this inspires you to get out more and do things YOU enjoy!

Still Here...

I'll be brief. (I don't have any other choice.)

School is back in session, and I have my hands full. Unless you are a sixth grade English, Language Arts, and Reading teacher in Texas, you wouldn't fully understand. I would explain to you the difference in what I do, as a teacher, that's different because of the grade I teach and the content I teach and,...well,...many other things,...if I had the time.

Instead, let me say this:

As full as my hands are right now, my heart is overflowing! My students are precious and anxious to learn. We're getting to know each other quickly, and we've already read three chapters in our class novel, and we're working on a project for it. Good things are happening, and we're all excited to be together, learning together.

Life is BUSY, but life is GOOD!

(And I promise to post about books this weekend!!)

Happy reading!

A Better Version

Isn't this the time of year when everyone makes resolutions for the new year? I made one for myself last year, but...uh...I failed to follow through. My resolution was to not buy anymore books until I'd read all the books I already own. Needless to say, my resolve faded quickly...

I will say, however, that while I didn't hit my mark, I did change a lot of my reading habits for the better. I did actually purchase less books than I normally do in a year, and I read more of the books I already have at home. I made more time to read because I was consciously aware of how many really great books I own and I'd been meaning to read. I also hesitate now, before I buy a book, and look at my own shelves first for something to read. It doesn't always mean I don't buy the book, but I usually end up reading something I already have first before I read the new book. That's a good thing. That's a change for the better, I think.

So, this year, my resolution is less complicated, less specific, and more reasonable. This year my only resolution is be a better version of myself. Any improvement on the old me, no matter how slight, will be considered a success and a reason to celebrate at the end of 2015.

You see, I like me. I really do. I'm completely comfortable with who I am, but I'm certainly not the best I can be. Not yet. Not ever. I'm always learning, always improving, always striving for something more. I'm currently learning a new language, deciding what new college courses I'd like to take, working on my novel, researching better ways to help children learn to read, and always looking for ways to be a better teacher - just to name a few things.

If I can improve, even just a little, in any of those areas, I've accomplished a great deal towards making a better version of myself. Simple, yes? But hard work. A better version takes a great deal of work, but when I think about how much better the new model will think and grow and be able to give back to the world, I certainly think it's worth the effort.

I wish you all the happiest of New Years! Whatever else you may resolve to do in the upcoming year, I hope you resolve to work toward a goal that makes you happy in life.

God bless.

 

This and That and Nothing Much

I had no idea it's been so long since I blogged! Good grief! Life has been quite busy. 'Tis the season, you know! No, not the holiday season. I mean the school season. When school is in full swing, I barely find time to breathe, much less blog. To be honest, I haven't even had as much time to read as I'd like (gasp!).
 
I've actually been opting to read middle school books lately, as I'm always on the hunt for good book club books for my middle school students. I'll review some of them on here over Christmas break, once I have a few more under my brain. It's not always easy for me to review middle school books. I don't always agree with the messages.
 
(Now, here's where I start sounding old...)
 
You know, it used to be that most books had a good message. And, the way I figure it, life sucks enough without reading a book that just agrees with that theory. Life doesn't really suck, it's all in the way you look at things. Believe it or not, kids aren't as optimistic as they used to be. In fact, I venture to say there is much more depression among pre-teens and teenagers now than there was when I was growing up. It concerns me...a lot.
 
I don't think it helps that a certain series of books made vampires popular literature for teenagers. As if anyone would actually want to follow some undead guy around, fall in love with him, and have his baby. Really?? I mean, guys have their issues (don't we all?), but I'll take a warm-blooded man over a dead guy any day! Did I mention she wants to be dead, too, just to be with him? Now, I ask you, WHAT kind of messed-up message is that to send to young teenage girls? Especially girls who are already depressed? Let's think this through, folks. Seriously.

And another thing...

Just because paranormal books have become so popular doesn't mean they are well-written. I'm really getting tired of seeing all the vampire books floating around my school's library. I try not to be critical without sampling a few, so...I sampled...and spit them back out. Yuck. Shouldn't there be some standard for what publishers dish-out to pre-teens and younger teenagers? Are good editors in short supply these days?No wonder kids aren't reading if they think this junk is what passes for good books!

(Sigh)

I seem to be sighing a good bit these days. It's mostly because I see that people don't know what they're missing. Sometimes by 'people,' I mean my students. Other times, I mean adults. There is such a vast, wonderful world of great books out there that I get a bit discouraged when the only books anyone claims to read are the ones that are movies. Really?

I'm beginning to feel like I belong to the lost generation of people who actually read books to learn more about myself and others and the world around me...

Wait.

No, we wouldn't be classified as 'the lost generation' - it's the generation that doesn't read that is lost.

Do me a favor, would you? Please read to a child today. Do voices for the characters, and show them the pictures in the book. Talk about the story. Help them understand it. Grow a good reader. You'll make the world a better place. :)

Happy reading!
 

New Arrival!

I'm a bit behind on my blog. I'm more than a bit behind on many other things...

You see, the world stopped and then started again this past Saturday when my first grandchild was born! It's hard to explain what it's like to experience your own child having a child. Even though my oldest daughter is grown, twenty-five years old, and married,...she's still my baby. Always will be.

While I am ecstatic to be a grandparent, I'm even more ecstatic to watch my daughter be a mother. I believe I could watch her with that baby all day. It fascinates me. I've always thought my daughter was beautiful, but she's never been as beautiful as she is when she's loving on that child, talking to him, adoring him, nursing him.

I know, people expect you to go on and on about the grandbaby (and, trust me, I DO!), but I also have great love and admiration for both my daughter and my son-in-law. Making the choice to become a parent and being a parent isn't easy. It is the most challenging and rewarding job there is in this life. The way I see it, to plan for a child and willingly take on that responsibility is something to be admired.

Now, about my smart, talented, beautiful grandson...

The love and joy this new little addition has brought to both sides of the families is beyond words. We've all fallen in love with the new little man in our lives. He is the first grandchild for us and for our son-in-law's parents. There are also great-grandparents on both sides. Did I mention aunts? great-aunts? great-uncles? cousins? Oh, my goodness, so much family! And I haven't even mentioned all the love and support of friends!

Wow,...so much love for one little guy.

And now, let me introduce you to the newest star in my sky...

Holden

Following Twain's Advice

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

~ Mark Twain

I love Mark Twain. I think I always have. There is something about his spirit, his line of reasoning, and his ability to just...call things like they were (and still are!) that makes me admire the kind of man he was. I've not only read his books, I have also read and researched his life. He really wasn't the kind of guy that Poppa would want a girl to bring home. As it is with many writers, he wasn't good with money, was known to enjoy a good drink and a smoke, and he could be quite...disagreeable...when he got the urge. 

Of all the quotes I love, from many different people, and of all Twain's words I enjoy, the quote I listed above is one of my favorite. When in doubt about what I should do sometimes, I think of these words. I ask myself, "Will my regret be that I did it...or that, when given a chance, I didn't do it?" It brings a great deal of clarity to a situation pretty quickly, to be quite honest.

One time I remember, in particular, was when I was crossing the English Channel this summer. I was actually walking on a path that appears, when the tide goes out, between St. Michael's Mount and the shore. The path has been there for over a thousand years.

As I was walking along the path, I had the urge to take off my shoes, roll up my jeans, and walk back to the shore barefooted. I wanted to take my time, have a seat on the edge of the path, take a few photographs,...pause in the moment and just breathe and be. So, I did.

Now, I realize it's a simple example of what I'm talking about, but you understand the spirit of it all, right? 

There have been many moments when I have found myself on the precipice of something wonderful. Common sense said no, but my heart and my spirit said yes - so I said yes. Not every chance or every risk I've taken has turned out the way I would have liked or wanted, but I don't ever regret the choice I made to experience that moment. 

Life is short, but...it's long, too. We are the only ones who must truly live with our choices. Only we know what prompted us do what we did at the time. Who are other people to judge?

Besides, I would rather live half a life boldly than a whole life concerned about what other people think.

I know Mark Twain would agree...

Another Year Older

Yes, that's right,...I had a birthday this past week. I'm not one of those people who dreads my birthday, but I'm also not one who really makes a big deal about it. It's another year, and I know each year is what I make it. What does continue to amaze me is how quickly the time goes by the older I get, and...I wish it would slow down.

You see, I realize that if the next forty-eight years of my life go by as quickly as the first ones have, there's a good chance I won't be around for much longer. I also realize that, aside from biology, I am only a mixture of my experiences. The things I think and feel will all pass away when I do. The things I worry about now, and sometimes lose sleep over, won't matter anymore. I won't matter anymore.

It's something to think about. I don't mean it in a depressing, sad way. I just mean it in an honest way, as a way of keeping myself in check as I go through life.

I suppose that is why I treasure every moment and soak up my surroundings. It's why I love to travel and experience things and always want to linger in a moment longer than most people. I am always aware that, even if you try to recreate it, you can never experience the same moment twice. Once it has gone, it's gone. Forever.

Knowing I'll never experience the same moment twice is also why I love the way I love. If I truly love you, you know it. If I don't, well,...you know that, too,...and not because I would ever intentionally be mean to someone. It isn't in the things I say, it's in the things I don't say. The people who know me best know this about me. I don't say things I don't mean, don't give cards that declare things I don't really feel, and don't tell you I love you (or like you) if I don't. Life is too short for shallow words and lukewarm sentiments, don't you think?

So, here I am - another year older. The thing is,...I'm not sure I'm any wiser. I still tend to make the same mistakes, even when I'm aware enough to know it's a mistake before I do it. I still say more than I should (a problem I've had my entire life), and the one who is bothered most by all that I say...is me. I love too openly and with my whole heart, which only makes it easier for others to hurt me.

I've given that last one some thought, though, and decided I wouldn't change that part of me, even if I could. If I hardened my heart to protect it, I would be the one burdened with the weight of it inside of me...and that would never do.

Wait.

Maybe,...I've gained more wisdom in the last year than I thought...

Things You Learn About Yourself

While I was in England, I took around 4,000 photos. No, I'm not kidding. Since my return home, I try to spend a little time each day going through the photos. It isn't a task, really, because I enjoy looking at them and reliving the moments of my trip. I'm learning things about myself as I go through them. Odd things. Interesting things.

One thing I've learned is I am strangely attracted to taking photographs of flowers growing where they shouldn't. I mean, I take the normal nature photographs in gardens and parks, but I seem to always find some obscure flower poking out of a crack in concrete or a small crevice in a rock. I can't tell you how many pictures I took of flowers growing out of street walls in England. Not exactly a big tourist attraction, if you know what I mean.

I am aware I am doing it, of course, I just didn't ask myself why until...someone else did. It was a fisherman in Newlyn - a true, blue, dressed-in-work-clothes-and-big-yellow-rubber-boots fisherman sitting on a bench by the side of the road. He didn't ask me why I was taking pictures of a wall. He couldn't. I was too busy taking photos. It was my friend, who was patiently waiting for me, he asked, "Does your friend like the wall?" She explained that I like the wall and the flowers. The man seemed puzzled, "Hasn't she seen a wall and flowers before?"My friend smiled and tried to give him a brief explanation. She told me about this little conversation after she'd gotten directions from the helpful fisherman, and we were continuing our walk to the next town.

I laughed when she told me and wondered how many good English people had wondered about the strange American woman taking pictures of odd things, laying on the ground to get a good shot of something, or speaking to her friends in "y'all"s and "ma'am"s. It wasn't until I'd been home awhile, and going through my photos, that I heard the fisherman's questions in my head again.

I began skimming through all my photos from the two weeks. In almost every set of outside photos, there they were - flowers growing in unlikely places! I'll be the first to say they weren't all good photos, but...I still liked them. In some cases, I had taken the "pretty" shot - including the flowers as background/foreground - before taking one of just the little flowers, focusing on them instead of the bigger picture. Just for me.

I decided to look at other trips I've taken in the past and found that I had the same type of pictures mixed in with those, as well. They weren't  photos I took because I planned to frame them or show them to other people, I took them for my own pleasure. As I said, I liked them.

So,...the question I asked myself was, "Why?"

The answer came to me as I looked at picture after picture and began putting them all together in a group: I admire the little flowers. I truly admire them - not for their beauty (although I do find them beautiful), but for their strength and their endurance. They have not been cared for and cultivated in a garden. No one made sure they had the right amount of sunshine and water and fertilizer. Everything you see was brought forth by effort and stamina.

After all these lovelies have been through - bad weather, heat, cold, and very little room for growth - they keep coming back every year. They lay dormant for a season (a rather long, cold season in England), but some part of them hangs on and pushes back through to bloom in due time. They don't even have a deep root system in which to depend on! It's funny, if you think about it. They thrive in a little dirt and dust between the cracks, adding softness and beauty to the rough landscape around them. They are quite determined to flourish, even in the most difficult of circumstances.

I think there's a lot of really good lessons in all that, don't you?

By the way, I have a bare wall in my new library room that needs some pictures. I wanted to have "just the right" photos from my travels to put on that wall, but...I'm thinking it's not always about hanging the perfect photo on the wall. Sometimes, it's a good idea to display perfect reminders about the importance of finding the beauty in life and learning to have "just the right" attitude about your circumstances, along with a good amount of determination and motivation to thrive.