What's In A Name?

Whether you like the name your parents gave you or not, it is a source of identification for you. When someone calls out your name, you answer to it. Your name is important. When you own something and you want others to know it's yours, you put your name on it. Think about it.

It starts out when you're little. Your parents write your name on everything - sometimes, they even hang it up in your room. As you grow, you learn to write your name. You begin labeling the world around you so others know which stuff is your stuff. You put your name on toys, lunch boxes, notebooks, library cards, homework assignments, school gym clothes, athletic equipment, and so on.

It doesn't stop when you get older. Heck, no. The stuff you have to put your name on just gets bigger and more expensive. If you own a house, there is a deed that has your name on it. If you own a car, your name is on the registration. If you lease an apartment or a car, there is still paperwork that shows you are the temporary owner. 

Like I said, your name is important.

Where am I going with this? I'll tell you. I'm going to share a lesson I learned about names this summer. Now is the perfect time to blog about it because school is about to start again. For some of you, it may have already started. Yes, now is a good time to talk about names. 

If you are a student, you will be meeting new teachers and making new friends,...and you'll need to learn their names. If you are a teacher, like I am, you will meet new students and welcome them to the learning environment of a classroom you will share with them over the school year. In case you didn't know, a school year is a long time to share a classroom with students, which is why we're going to talk about names.

I took an educational workshop this summer which was great! The instructor was excellent, the ideas he shared were wonderful, and he gave us all some valuable tools for improving our teaching. Funny thing is, though, one of the most important things I learned was taught first thing, the first morning and the lesson was carried throughout the week. I'm still asking myself if the instructor taught it with intent or by accident. 

First morning of our class, the instructor had us pair up (in a class of 24) and briefly interview each other. This was an out-of-district workshop, so we were from all different school districts. We didn't know each other. He gave us basic questions to ask and added a couple of minutes for additional questions.

After our interviews, he had us volunteer to stand up and introduce our partner to the class and tell something about them we'd learned. Our partner would then introduce us to the class. To encourage people to volunteer quickly, and not drag the exercise out too long, he said that when you stand to introduce your partner, you must FIRST say the names and re-introduce the people who were introduced before you. In other words, the first ones to volunteer would have less names to remember than the last ones. The last pair would have to introduce the first 22 before introducing each other.

Now, if you're already saying, "Ugh!" because you don't think you're very good with names and would hate this exercise, please allow me to explain two things: 

1) The instructor did not do this to test our memory skills. He did it to help us get to know each other and give us a sense of community. It's an important thing to do when you've thrown 24 adult teachers together in the middle of their summer vacation, and you only have a week to give them something worthwhile. 

2) The instructor never said we couldn't take notes or use something to accommodate our learning. (Accommodating a student's learning is something all teachers should know how to do. It's when you give a student extra tools to help them learn something. The student learns the same thing, just in a different way - in their own learning style. We don't all learn the same, you know.)

Before I go any further, I want to say that I wish I could have videotaped what happened next. I don't think any words I use will truly do justice to the lesson, but I will try. You see, the same thing happened with a group of college educated adults as happens with a group of sixth graders (or any grade level you'd like to insert). Yes, I know it shouldn't happen that way,...but it does. As Mark Twain said, "Truth is stranger than fiction."

The introductions started off easy enough. The first ones to go had the easiest time, of course, before some started to panic and tried to raise their hands the fastest to try to get it over with. I decided to let my partner choose when she was ready for us to volunteer. I was ready at any time, but she was rather shy and quiet. I gave her the lead. 

As we sat and watched others introduced, I saw many different types of "students" in the teachers. There were a few adults who did as the instructor asked and used notes they'd made to make sure they got the introductions correct. Some had drawn blocks for seats and inserted names. Others had used numbers on the seats to remember who was who. They used their notes when they introduced, but looked up from the notes and acknowledged the others. Out of 24 adult teachers, there were 6 who did this. 

As for the rest of the class, it was...a circus of excuses. One guy stood and said he just didn't do it. He pointed to his partner and said, "She can do it. I didn't see the point." Another teacher pointed to her partner and said, "Yeah, what she said," then chuckled and went on with introducing her partner. One teacher actually said, "I'm a Special Ed teacher, so I don't HAVE to do it." There were several who had written down the names on a list, without knowing who was who, and stood to quickly read their list - never acknowledging who the person was - it was just a name on a piece of paper.

Now, if you're wondering where I fit in to this scheme, I'll tell you. First of all, I had an unfair advantage over most of these people. You see, I already knew the importance of someone's name. I love words, after all, and names are words...and - as I've already stated to make sure you get my point - names are important. My first priority, as a teacher, is to learn my students' names (and know them well) as quickly as possible. I know how I learn best, so I used the same method for the instructor's exercise as I do in my classroom.

When people began introducing each other, I wrote down their names on a piece of paper. I looked at the written name and looked at the person. I didn't glance at them, I really looked at them and paid attention to who they were and how their partner described them. I then looked at the name again - seeing it written has always helped me. I am also a spatial learner, so I paid attention to where that person was located in the room from where I was seated. As each person stood and introduced the rest of the class, I practiced in my head remembering who was who.

When my partner decided she was ready to volunteer, most of the class had already been introduced. While she was ready for us to do our introductions, she was still nervous and asked me to go first. I had to introduce the 20 people in the class that went before me. I didn't use my notes because, by then, I knew who they were. I had been practicing in my own head. I knew their faces, knew their expressions, and...knew more about their personalities than they would have guessed. ;)

I took a deep breath and began my introductions at the back of the room. I went in order of their seats and introduced each person. I made eye contact with them when I said their names. I smiled at them, with my mouth and with my eyes, and let them know I knew who they were. I took my time, I didn't rush. Everyone responded well to my introductions, they all smiled back. They also seemed to silently cheer, as the introduction list got longer, that I would make it to the end without a mistake. I saw encouraging looks and the sparkle of anticipation in the next person's eyes I met - hoping I would get their name correct...and a look of relief and happiness when I did.

I have to point out that the "toughest case" in the room was a teacher who'd been teaching many years and was older than me. She was one of the ones who'd read the names off quickly from a list and never made eye contact with anyone. She sat on the second back row and had already shown pride in her sharp tongue that morning. She had a lovely name and, when I spoke it and smiled at her, it was evident I liked the pleasant sound of it coming from my lips. 

What did she do?

She beamed at me like a kindergarten student on the first day of school when they hear the teacher call their name! She loved being acknowledged, knowing I knew who she was, and that I had said her name correctly and in a loving manner. Still grinning at me, she even gave me a nod of approval at the end. Of all the "naming" moments, I will never forget that one. I will never forget that teacher's name or what she taught me.

No matter who you are or what walk of life you come from, you want someone to know your name. If you spend any length of time with them (say, daily class time?), you expect them to know your name. You want it pronounced correctly. You want to be acknowledged. We all do. When someone knows your name, it means they notice you. It means you are important enough that they took the time and effort to learn one simple truth about you - your name.

I would also like to point out how our instructor, like any great teacher, played the introduction game with us - taking his turn at re-introducing people a few times during the process. He modeled his expectations. He would even add something extra he'd noticed from an introduction, too, like "This is Caren with a C, who loves Twizzlers!" At the end of all the introductions, he went back and re-introduced each person in a quick, fun, casual way. He was learning as we were learning. Throughout the workshop, he always addressed us by our names.

Cynthia and her kindergarten teacher

What's in a name?
Recognition. Respect. Relationship.

If you're a teacher, it's imperative you recognize your students and know their names. There is a level of respect you are showing a child, the same respect you'd like from them, when you know their name and say it correctly.  You need to have a good relationship with your students in order to maximize their ability to learn from you.

What's in a name?
Recognition. Respect. Relationship.

It's important...to all of us.

One final note:

While I chose to use my 19-year-old daughter's kindergarten photos to illustrate this blog, I want to be sure and state I am a middle school teacher. I have had up to 140 students in a school year and, yes, I always learn their names (first and last), know how to spell them, and how to pronounce them. If it is a difficult name for me to pronounce, I practice and let the student know I'm trying and to be a little patient with me until I get it exactly right. I use all the things I mentioned to help me learn. I find that writing the name down in a seating chart gives me both a visual of the name and a spatial reference to the student. I also do what our instructor did, saying the name of a student every chance I get. By the end of the first week of school, I usually know most of my students' names. Why? You should have guessed by now - because it's important to my students, which means it is important to me.

Saying Goodbye

One of the ways I help my students say goodbye at the end of every school year is by helping them understand what their yearbook/annual is for. The first year I taught sixth grade, I noticed that when students got their yearbooks, all they did was sign their names on one another's pages. They had no understanding about the importance of saying goodbye in writing, of sharing their thoughts on paper to mark the end of their sixth grade year, or telling their friends what they meant to them.

I also noticed that my students were always surprised how long it took me to "sign" their yearbooks because it took me awhile to write what I had to say. What I wrote to each student was specific to them, not a general statement. When they read what I'd written, it meant a great deal to them because it showed I really knew them and noticed the things they'd done all year.

After a couple of days of watching how they struggled to understand what they should do, I decided that the best way to explain was by giving examples. I started my own tradition that first year, and I have found that it helps my students to share their thoughts in writing with each other at the end of the year.

Every year I bring in all my high school yearbooks (10th grade - 12th grade), and I show them to my students. I read some of things my friends wrote to me, and I say how much those words still mean to me. Sometimes I tell a story about that friend and something fun we did together, or how we met and became friends. I always point out how even after all these years, the words my friends gave to me back then...are still treasures that make my heart smile. My friends loved me, and I loved them. Time and distance doesn't change the love we shared or the experiences we had together.

My students are always impressed with how well my friends wrote, how funny they were in some of the things they said, and...how my personality and who I am hasn't changed much from the way my friends described me. I sometimes think that is my students' favorite part. They love hearing my friends describe me in the same way they see me. I wasn't a different person at seventeen than I am now. I am older, more mature, and (hopefully) wiser - but I am still me. My students find comfort in that.

This year, when I brought out my yearbooks in class, I realized that my senior annual was now thirty years old. Wow. I hadn't really thought about it until I held it up to my first period class. One of my students pointed out how thirty years is a reeeeeally long time. I had to chuckle. Yes, I suppose it is, but - I pointed out to my students - look how long my friends' words have stood the test of time!

What words, I always ask, would they want someone to look back on in thirty years and be glad they were friends? What words could they say that would reach through time and distance and still make someone's heart smile? It makes them think, it makes them want to write something special to their friends, and it helps them say goodbye to another chapter in their lives.

I do believe that words are a special kind of magic, and I would like to thank all my high school friends for helping me to teach this lesson to my students every year. Most importantly, I want to thank them for sharing their words with me all those years ago. I still treasure what was written and the wonderful friendships we shared! :)

About Facebook Friends

Once upon a time, in the Summer of 1981, I was fifteen years old. It was that summer that I learned a very valuable lesson from my dad...

(I know, you're wondering what could this possibly have to do with Facebook when the founders of Facebook weren't even born in 1981...and the internet, as we know it, didn't even exist. Hang in there with me, I promise it'll all make sense.) 

That particular summer, I had just finished my first year of high school (which was 10th grade, back then), and I had certainly had my share of first love heartache. I was glad to get away from home for awhile and spend some time at Myrtle Beach. My dad and stepmom chose to stay at a nice campground on this particular trip, and it had its own video game pavilion and other fun things to do around the campground.

Shortly after we arrived, I met this boy (isn't that the way teenage summer romances go?), and he seemed very sweet and funny and smart. Did I mention cute? Ah, yes, he was very cute. Most importantly, he seemed to like me a lot. Now, for a girl still trying to mend a broken heart, it's quite flattering and healing to have another guy pay you some attention and want to get to know you better.

The boy and I spent some time at the beach together during the day and, as evening came around, he asked me to meet him at a place near our camper and promised he'd show me the video game pavilion. He told me that his family had camped there since he was little, and he knew everything about the place and where everything was. He wanted to show me around. Again, I was flattered.

Once we met up that night, we began talking and walking around. It was pretty dark and, after we'd been walking a bit, I mentioned that I felt sure we should've gotten to the pavilion some time ago. He assured me we were almost there. Just about the time we had taken two more steps, bright headlights from a car threw a spotlight on us. You can imagine my surprise when the car came to a sudden halt, the car door opened, and I heard my dad's deep voice say, "Kim, get in the car."

Now, when my dad told you do something, you didn't ask questions. Aside from the fact he was my dad, he was also a police officer. I knew from his tone he wasn't happy. I was embarrassed in front of my new crush, of course, but I knew not to question my dad. I turned to the boy and said, "Sorry, I gotta go," and quickly walked over to the car and got in.

Once I was in the car, my dad drove back to the camper. He asked me who the boy was and where I was going. I told him we were going to the pavilion, that we were almost there when he stopped us. My dad grunted a tense, aggravated sound (something he does when he's unhappy). I told him I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. He told me that I wasn't, but the boy was. I didn't understand. I'll never forget the look on my dad's face or his next words, "Kim, I've been looking for you. You two weren't anywhere near the pavilion. I don't know where he was taking you, but it sure as hell wasn't the pavilion."

Now, I don't want to make some sixteen-year-old boy seem sinister. Maybe all he wanted to do was steal a kiss? I'll never know. I wouldn't want to know,...and I never saw the boy again. Lucky for the boy, my dad never saw him again either. Lucky for me, I gained some insight that night, and I learned not to be so naive.

The next day, some friends of mine showed up and asked my dad if I could go with them for awhile. A bunch of them were staying at a hotel not far from the campground. We headed back to their hotel to hang out on the beach and swim. I had a great time hanging out with my friends! You know, with people I actually knew and could trust.

What does this have to do with Facebook friends? Well, let's just say that after all these years, the lesson I learned that night at Myrtle Beach still sticks with me. I don't ever go places with people I don't know, and...I don't allow people I don't know to become my Facebook friends. Every friend I have on my Facebook is someone I know - and not because of the internet. I use Facebook as a way to connect to people I know, not meet people I don't know...who can appear to be anything they'd like to be over the internet. I share pictures of my family and friends on my facebook page, and I tell about my life. Why would I open that personal information up to someone I don't know?

At the camper
with my little brother, Chris
Summer of 1981

It dumbfounds me that people think it isn't a big deal to open up their life to a perfect stranger. I am amazed at the number of people who get on the internet and don't educate themselves on how to use it safely. Facebook has tutorials, folks! It tells you all about your privacy settings and how to limit or block certain information.

You wouldn't walk in a dangerous part of town, all alone, in the middle of the night, unguarded and unprotected,...but you'll play on the internet uneducated?! That kind of ignorance reminds me of myself in the Summer of 1981...

(P.S. Thank you, Daddy, for watching out for me!)